kindergarten dropout (demo)

by susie derkins

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1.
01:56
2.
03:00
3.
01:52

credits

released January 23, 2017

vox + words + guitar: samantha stoakes
bass: jaclyn walsh (listen to DUMP HIM)
drums: zoë wyner (listen to HALFSOUR)

songs written in pieces between october 2014 - march 2015

recorded & mixed by zoë wyner + matt mara in december 2016

these songs are old old old & i am so grateful to jaclyn and zoë and matt for helping me finally make them real!!!

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about

susie derkins Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

susie derkins is ps eliot's little sister who doesn't read enough

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Track Name: not tired
i could have spared myself if i knew when to quit
now i run away from all of it
i don't care about what i used to
and i am sorry if that means you

i'm no longer lucky and it's my own fault
i dug the ditch between what i want and what i got
i'm falling asleep without turning off the light
trying to make up for what i cannot find

it's morning and i called sick to work again
technically i'm not lying
clouds roll in my head
and i'm not tired but i stay in bed
Track Name: holes
you look at me like i am a problem
that must be erased to be solved
i can admit that i'm built of bad habits
but still i don't know what i've done wrong at all
let down quietly, but not easy
your expectations wrapped around my throat
signals that send me in circles
until i don't know where you want me to go

i don't show you the holes in my fingers
'cause they're not something to brag about
i don't smile as much as i used to
'cause i keep dreaming that my teeth all fell out

i'm always getting myself into things that are bad
for the person i wanna be
do i have a say in what matters
do i get to pick and choose who hurts me
how do i learn to stop accepting
everything i am given
and how can you fix your own life
without feeling like such a bad friend

i don't show you the holes in my shoes
'cause i've been walking more than i want to
and i don't tell you that i'm feeling used
i think you know i've been using you too

i'm not sure if we're growing up or growing apart
is it still growing if it makes you feel this small
there are no excuses left in me
and i can't fix what i'm pretending not to see
leaving bad tastes like breadcrumbs that i forgot to track
i always leave by making sure i can never come back.
Track Name: new skin
it's been years and it's still setting in
i might never be the same again
for every crack i finish filling in
another forms to follow it

i thought this would be over by now
thought i'd be in a new skin by now

patience always wears so thin
we can't help but let the patterns win
and i'm tearing up my hands again
picking at the faults in my skin