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it gets better when you loosen your grip
on whatever makes your hands rough
the same feeling when i realized good
will never be good enough

i didn't know the knife was in me
until i pulled it out
and i don't know what to do with it
but i've been trying to figure it out

it gets harder to live healthy
when you're not sure what for
and starving doesn't feel good
but what does anymore

do i mean the things that i don't say
can i trust what's in my head
i'm still coughing up what i believe
after choking on what i was fed

it gets easier to stand tall
when you shed what your shoulders held
the same feeling when i realized this
isn't how it is for everyone else

and i'm sick of counting cards
and keeping track of where you are
tired from catching up
while you and your friends play dumb

soon the dust we kicked up will be done settling
and our claws will finally free from each other's skin
and we'll know better than to play games we can't win
and we'll know better than to try this again


from it's all downhill from here kid (demo), released April 5, 2017



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susie derkins Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

we're goin off the rails on a crazy train!!!!!!

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