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did i do something to scare you?
sometimes i scare myself too
have you been waiting for me to go
is this something i should have known

leave the room for a smoke
straighten out my clothes
fall asleep with backs turned
let the silence form a pattern

is it self preservation or self destruction that keeps me quiet
am i learning from my mistakes when i learn not to talk

i was back at your house today
why was i surprised when you looked away
or when you barely said anything
humiliation is exhausting

too nice to say "no"
or "maybe you should head home"
or "we should spend some time alone"
or "i think i'm better on my own"

is it overdramatic or overbearing to think that we had something
am i learning what you forgot when i'm trying to talk

you can't feel it in your gut if you don't have one

is it unrealistic or unproductive to wish that i could tell you
that i'm learning what i deserve when i learn how to talk


from it's all downhill from here kid (demo), released April 5, 2017



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susie derkins Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

we're goin off the rails on a crazy train!!!!!!

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